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Metaphors Be With You

New Page -- 2 February 2004


"Metaphors be with you" is both the classic phrase from Star Wars and one of the better puns of our age. Curiously, metaphors and puns have something in common in that they are playing with words to evoke a bit of color. And both are often hilarious! For example, a few of the more classic metaphors (i.e. "killing her with kindness") include:

Her vocabulary was as bad as, like, what ever.

He was as tall as a six foot three inch tree.

She had a deep throaty, genuine laugh like the sound a dog makes just before he throws up.

The revelation that his marriage of 30 years had disintegrated because of his wife's infidelity came as a rude shock, like a surcharge at a formerly surcharge free ATM.

She grew on him like E. coli and he was room temperature Canadian beef.

McBride fell 12 stories, hitting the pavement like a hefty bag filled with vegetable soup.

Her face was a perfect oval, like a circle that has had its two sides gently compressed by a thigh master.

The little boat gently drifted across the pond exactly the way a bowling ball wouldn't.

Her hair glistened in the rain like nose hair after a sneeze.

They lived in a typical suburban neighborhood with picket fences that resemble Nancy Kerrigan's teeth.

John and Mary had never met. They were like two hummingbirds who had also never met.

He fell for her like his heart was a mob informant and she was the east river.

Even in his last years, grandpappy had a mind like a steel trap, only one that had been left out so long, it had rusted shut.

She walked into my office like a centipede with 98 missing legs.

“Oh, Jason, take me!” she panted, her breasts heaving like a college freshman on $1-a-beer night.

Margaret Kochamma found herself drawn towards him like a plant in a dark room towards a wedge of light.

It hurt the way your tongue hurts after you accidentally staple it to the wall.

Okay, so these aren't the best examples. Feel free to contribute your own winners.


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