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Druidland

New -- October 1, 2003

 Multiple Choice

Episode VII

 

EXT:  DRUIDLAND

David and Aris together drop feet-first into a pool of water at the bottom of a waterfall surrounded by lush greenery in the tradition of English elves, fairies and other magical creatures.  As she tries to regain her feet and defend herself, Aris keeps looking around in panic, but can find no sign of aliens.  She is also now wielding a broadsword instead of a laser pistol (as is David), and the switch in weaponry adds to her confusion and alarm.  David looks at Aris, his eyes bright and a broad smile on his face.

ARIS

What the...!?

 

DAVID

Wholly shit!  We did it together!

 

ARIS

Did what!?

 

DAVID

Where did we just come from?

Aris, still holding her broadsword as if ready to fight, suddenly loses some of her panic.

ARIS

Gunnison Bunker?  Foul-smelling aliens?

 

DAVID

You remember!  Fantastic!  We’re a team!

 

ARIS

Well, yes.  But where the hell are we now?

 

DAVID

Can’t say I really know.

 

ARIS

So why are you so calm?

 

DAVID

Maybe it's because we’re together.

 

ARIS

You’re weird, David.  Really weird.

David laughs and begins to wade out of the pool.  Aris follows, but cautiously.

DAVID

Remember the Ta Ra Nee?

Aris suddenly turns to him, her eyes wide and her mouth open.

ARIS

You mean that wasn’t a dream?

 

DAVID

Felt real to me.

Aris’ expression turns to one of profound surprise, as David extends his hand to her.  Aris looks at the hand with a skeptical eye, but then accepts it. 

Stepping ashore, they look around to find themselves within a lush forest -- where all manner of mystery and the unexplained are likely to be commonplace.  True to form, out of the greenery, a small furry, non-threatening creature suddenly pops up and looks at them.  Aris sees FURRY first, and sheathing her sword, drops down to the small creature’s level.

ARIS

Why hello, little one.

Furry smiles at the attention, thumps the ground a few times, hops over, and with his long arms wraps them around Aris’ bare leg in a very affectionate hug.  David seems skeptical, but Aris appears okay with it.  She reaches down and strokes the creature’s fuzzy fur.  This causes the creature to go into a minor ecstasy at the additional attention, and his arms begin to move up Aris’ leg.  She reacts, but casually.  She strokes Furry again.

ARIS

We have to leave now.  You have to let go.

One of Furry’s very long, slender arms moves up toward Aris’ crotch.

ARIS

Hey!  Watch it buster!

Furry’s arm continues its movement upward, as the second arm begins a similar tactic.  Aris uses both of her hands to keep each of Furry’s arms away from her genitals.  Furry then tries to move his head between her legs, his legs wrapping tightly around her leg and all the while edging upwards.  At this point, MEN-TOR, a spry looking Yoda with a hint of Elf-ancestry, appears at the edge of the forest, casually observing the proceedings.

MEN-TOR

Tickle him.

David and Aris both look up to see who has spoken.

MEN-TOR

 Tickle him.

Men-Tor then gestures how and where.  Aris lets go of one arm, reacts as that arm goes for her vagina, and then begins tickling Furry.  The small creature immediately goes into gales of laughter, losing all interest in his previous goal.  Aris then relaxes somewhat and using both hands, tickles Furry with abandon.  He quickly goes into an hysterical, laughing orgasm.  As Aris quits tickling him and straightens back up -- still looking down at him -- Furry blows a small amount of smoke, and then looks bleary-eyed at his paramour.

FURRY

Good for you, too?

Aris says nothing, and only looks amazed.  Then she and David turn to Men-Tor.

DAVID

Who are you?

 

MEN-TOR

 Like we’ve been properly introduced!?

 

DAVID

Oh.  Allow me to introduce ourselves. I’m David and this is Aris.  We’re from... Elsewhere.

 

MEN-TOR

You may call me Tor.  But not often.

 

ARIS

Where are we?

 

MEN-TOR

At the edge of a pool?

 

DAVID

It’s just that we’re a little lost.  We’ve just arrived from another dimension.

MEN-TOR does a quick appraisal of their clothes.

MEN-TOR

Looks like a fun place.

 

DAVID

Not really.  But very exciting.

 

MEN-TOR

I think the two of you are warriors.

 

ARIS

What gave you the first clue?

 

MEN-TOR

Your arrogance.  You’d better follow me.  She will want to know about you.

 

ARIS

Wait a minute.  Who’s “She”?

Men-Tor smiles mischievously, turns and begins to walk down a path, which magically appears -- the grasses and undergrowth parting just in front of Men-Tor as he walks.  David starts to follow, until Aris grabs his arm.

ARIS

Where are you going?

 

DAVID

With Tor.  Go along with me on this, okay?

 

ARIS

Go along with you?  You don’t have the slightest idea of where we are, who this creature is, what’s happening...

 

DAVID

I know, I know.  But you and I together, can probably handle anything.  Besides, it’s better than trying to push the river.

 

ARIS

Push the what!!?

David smiles and turns, moving quickly to catch up with Men-Tor.  Aris looks bewildered as she glances around.  Then when she sees Furry beginning to get a glint in his eye, she shudders and hurriedly tries to catch up with David.  The path begins to disappear on her heels, and she scurries ahead, just ahead of the path’s disappearing act.  Quickly, she comes alongside David and takes his arm, her voice now in an undertone.

ARIS

Who’s “She”?

 

DAVID

No idea.  Unless, of course...

David is interrupted by the distant sounds of dancing, merriment, and celebration.

DAVID

Oh, good, a party.

David smiles, Aris frowns, and both continue down the temporary path.

 

EXT:  DRUIDLAND -- MEN-TOR’S VILLAGE

In the midst of the lush greenery, David and Aris are led by Men-Tor to a village of elves, fairies, and other woodland creatures (many of which are imaginary and some just slightly beyond imagination).  Everyone is extremely festive in a Mother Nature sort of way, carrying on in a dozen different modes -- from grouches grouching to Furrys tickling one another to others engaged in games and horseplay. 

The humans follow Men-Tor into the melee and merriment, with most of the locals only vaguely aware of the threesome.  The exception is one Furry, who while tickling another is momentarily distracted by Aris.  The other Furry notices the sudden reduction in attention, and promptly whacks the distracted Furry on the head.  The two resume their play, with the previously distracted Furry managing only a furtive glance at Aris’ retreating figure. 

As several pixie-like creatures suddenly notice David and Aris, they do a comic panic -- performing a Disney-like cartoon routine of stumbling over each other in their haste to get away.  A fire-breathing dragon flies immediately over the village, causing David and Aris to duck slightly.  But inasmuch as no one else in the village including Men-Tor take any notice, the two smile and continue following him.  As they move along, David is all smiles, while Aris is in something of a daze, glancing around, reacting to sudden noises by reaching for her pistol, only to be again perplexed when grabbing the sword hilt. 

The threesome approach a small beach-style bungalow, complete with open air and thatched roof.  IRIS, an apparently middle aged woman in the prime of her life is sitting on an easy-chair / bench arrangement, conversing with a small shy creature.  Iris is gently and lovingly admonishing the small creature, who is looking down in juvenile shame.  Then the small creature replies begrudgingly (but whose words cannot be heard by anyone other than Iris).  She gives the small creature a hug and kiss on the head, and he quickly bounds off with a big smile and all of the energy of the very young and recently forgiven.  Iris smiles as she watches the small creature, then she turns to Men-Tor, who does a formal bow.  David mimics Men-Tor’s bow, while Aris looks skeptical before managing a very awkward curtsey.  Iris apparently does not notice Aris’ hesitation, but smiles at each of the acknowledgments.

IRIS

What a delight to see you again, Men-Tor.  And what new adventures have you been on this morning?

 

MEN-TOR

Been trolling for strange creatures. Look what I drug out of Tagil’s Glen!

 

IRIS

Strange indeed!  And do they speak?

 

MEN-TOR

More than you might like.

David steps forward, even as Aris hangs back.

DAVID

Hello.  I’m David.

 

IRIS

Hello, David.

 

ARIS

I’m Aris.

 

IRIS

Aris!?  What a lovely name!  Mine is Iris.  Maybe we’re sisters.

 

MEN-TOR

I think they’re warriors.

 

IRIS

Really?  How apropos.  And timely!

 

DAVID

You need a couple of experienced warriors?

 

IRIS

Experience is always less important than motivation.

 

DAVID

In that case, we’re ideal!

Aris frowns, glancing at David out of the corner of her eye.

ARIS

Speak for yourself.

 

IRIS

Oh, I think you’ll like this one.  There is a local, self-appointed patriarch who has recently begun lording it over the populace of a nearby village -- a village of humans like ourselves.  He seems to be intent upon imposing his philosophical beliefs on those who are, unfortunately, not of like mind.    But his greatest crime, and that which concerns us the most, is that he has kidnapped our Princess and is determined to marry her; an act very much against her will.  He apparently hopes to gain status from such a marriage.

 

DAVID

I guess some things never change.

Aris glances at David, and then takes a quick step forward, taking a deep breath as she does so, and smiling in a condescending manner.

ARIS

Gee, we’d love to help.  But we’re currently engaged in another battle.  And this is sort of R&R time for us. You know what I mean?

 

MEN-TOR

Maybe the roots of the Ta Ra Nee go back further than you think.

Aris’ cocky attitude abruptly dissipates, as she looks intently at Men-Tor. 

IRIS

Your task here is a small one.  But then again, most challenges to tyrannies begin as minor tasks.

 

DAVID

What would you have us do?

 

IRIS

Rescue the Lady, what else?

 

DAVID

Are we talking about a major league siege?

 

IRIS

I wouldn’t think so.  I think we’d do better with simple but creative solutions to what might be considered an age old problem.

 

ARIS

Just out of curiosity, why should we risk our necks to help you?  I mean, I’m all for making a difference, but...

 

IRIS

On the one hand, we will endow you with certain magical charms to protect you against all harm.  Save a sword blow which disconnects your head from your body. That we can’t help you with.

 

DAVID

The key is to not lose our head, right?

 

IRIS

Right.  And if you’re successful, there’s a reward!  Our Lady can be very generous.

Iris turns to David, smiling encouragingly.

IRIS

 Do you have a fantasy?

 

DAVID

Well, yes, as a matter of fact.  There’s this poster I have back home.  Or what used to be a home.  It’s a copy of a painting.

 

IRIS

Tell me about it.

 

DAVID

There are these rocky crags and sheer, magnificent cliffs rising directly out of a pristine lake.  On the opposite shore is mountain land and windswept trees.  The whole scene’s enveloped in a light mist.  It’s absolutely wonderful.  I’ve always wanted to live there, build a home, live off the land...

 

IRIS

Sounds like a Bierstadt painting.  And I’m sure it’s perfect.  What about you?

 

ARIS

I’m not real sure.  I guess, it’s about setting things right.  I keep thinking about the people who are caught up in terrifying situations -- everything from tyrannies, environmental hells, anal-retentive societies, UFO attacks, whatever.  It all seems so pointless!  I guess my number one priority would be to make a difference in some way.

 

IRIS

Setting things straight...?

 

ARIS

It’s something I’ve always felt a calling for.

 

IRIS

Wouldn’t it be a nice reward to have such fantasies fulfilled!?  It’s always a possibility.  In the interim, between task and reward, why not make some creative plans?  Naturally, All of our resources are at your disposal.

Iris stands and extends her hand to David -- who gallantly kisses it.  Aris grimaces.

 

EXT:  LATER - A SMALL VILLAGE IN THE ANCIENT ENGLISH COUNTRYSIDE

Men-Tor leads David and Aris into the middle of a village, where thatched roofs, dusty paths, wandering animals, and smoke from open fires predominate.  Overlooking the village is a run-down, essentially defenseless castle, with considerable activity about the walls in the form of repair crews.  The appearance is that of a medieval English countryside with an exceptionally high activity level at the castle. 

David and Aris are dressed in upper class garb, setting them off from the drably dressed peasants.  Those in the immediate vicinity are engaged in a Saturday-at-the-local-market activity. The locals take brief note of the strangers’ arrival, but then return to their previous activities.  Both David and Aris have their swords at their sides, and for a moment seem very much at ease.  Men-Tor then turns and bows.

MEN-TOR

The village.

 

DAVID

Any questions about the plan?

 

MEN-TOR

Trust me.  It is my destiny to serve you.

 

ARIS

Where exactly will you be serving from?

 

MEN-TOR

Carefully observing from a safe distance.  Where else?

Aris frowns, while David smiles.  Men-Tor then bows again and backs away with several more bows.  Aris stares at David with a “look what you got us into” gaze.

DAVID

Look at it this way:  We could be laser-toast if, instead of this, we were still battling aliens!

 

ARIS

Maybe.

A slight commotion catches their attention and they turn to see a SOLDIER leaning lustily toward a young MAIDEN.  The maiden is attempting to ward off the man’s advances.  As he grabs her roughly by the arm, she tries unsuccessfully to get away. 

David immediately straightens up and takes on a chivalrous pose.  Gesturing with his head to Aris, he begins to walk over to the soldier and maiden.  Aris, smiling, walks just behind him.  The soldier looks up to see David and Aris, and abruptly becomes much more businesslike.

SOLDIER

I’m afraid we have a bit of a thief here, Sir.

 

MAIDEN

I’m not a thief!

 

DAVID

I’m sure you’re not.

 

SOLDIER

I should tell you, Sir, that I’m here on the Prince’s business!

 

DAVID

Really?   That’s too bad, as I tend to ignore such things.

The soldier abruptly shoves the maiden toward David and Aris and draws his sword.  As David deflects the maiden in the direction of Aris, he draws his sword as well.  Only a little too late, as the soldier takes a quick swing at David’s shoulder and connects with his left upper arm.  This causes a decidedly ugly gash and an immediate reaction from David.  His expression becomes one of shock, mixed with significant pain. 

Momentarily, he steps back from the fight.  The soldier turns to Aris, but she’s quicker, moving the maiden out of the way, and defending against the first thrust.  The soldier deflects her first swing, but does not see David, as our hero comes roaring back with a strong swing to the back of the soldier’s head.  The sword hits just above the neck where the man’s helmet is, and as a consequence does not kill him. 

On the other hand, the “ringing of the man’s bell” is enough to force a blank expression on his face, before he keels over, landing with a resounding thump on his front side.  Aris looks at the downed man for a moment, while David, still panting with his sword still vibrating from the close encounter with the iron helmet, is set to counter the soldier’s next move. Aris smiles appreciatively at David.

ARIS

 You’ve been practicing.

David smiles self consciously just as his sword hand goes up to hold the bleeding arm and he winces in pain.  The maiden takes this moment to rush to his aid, tearing a part of her bodice in order to bind the wound.  Her eyes are also flashing, her body movements suggesting she might be exceptionally grateful to David for his intervention.  David smiles at her attentions, while Aris simply watches the process with chagrin.  David notices Aris’ expression and catching her eye, shrugs his shoulders, and tries for a game smile. 

Suddenly, the maiden gasps.  David and Aris look to see what caused the reaction from the maiden, who is now staring transfixed at David’s arm as it rapidly heals.  Simultaneously, the maiden steps back with mounting horror. 

MAIDEN

Are thee a wizard!?

 

DAVID

No.  I don’t think so.  I mean, I can still feel the pain.  In fact, it hurts!  A lot!

 

MAIDEN

I’m indebted to thee, Sir.  Really I am.  But I have a family. A husband. Small children. A babe in arms.

 

DAVID

Yes, yes.  I understand.  No matter.

The former maiden does a very quick smile and curtsey, before turning and running very fast in the opposite direction.  Aris walks up to David, a broad smile on her face.

ARIS

Ohhh. Too bad.  Now you won’t be able to collect the undying gratitude from such a lovely young thing.  Must be the price of being so god-like.

 

DAVID

I’ll have you know I had no such intention!

 

ARIS

Of course not.

David is frowning appropriately, until suddenly his attention is distracted.  Both turn to see four mean-looking soldiers approaching them -- all with their swords drawn and each walking with a distinct bravado.  The LEAD SOLDIER smiles with an evil and mocking intent, apparently confident in his ability to intimidate.

LEAD SOLDIER

Attacking the Prince’s soldier is a crime punishable by death.  Prepare to be punished.

 

ARIS

Sir David is here on the King’s business.  He must be immediately taken to the castle.

With a surprised look, David turns to Aris.  The lead soldier’s bravado abruptly vanishes.

LEAD SOLDIER

The King’s business?

 

ARIS

We require an escort.  You will do.

The soldiers look at one another, momentarily perplexed.

ARIS

Now!

The soldiers quickly fall into something resembling an escort detachment.  Aris and “Sir” David take their appropriate position and the group marches off toward the castle.  David and Aris exchange looks, as the soldiers look straight ahead.  Only the Lead Soldier seems to have any expression, and his is one of perplexed concern.  The small group slowly makes its way through the now subdued village happenings.  As they pass, the villagers return to their more overriding interests -- of haggling among themselves.

 

EXT:  THE CENTRAL COURTYARD OF THE RUN-DOWN CASTLE

Aris and David, with the four soldier escort, enter via a broken gate on which two men and a woman are busy at work.  The courtyard is particularly poorly kept, but several peasants are moving about and making some pretense at cleaning things up.  Others are on the walls doing repair work, while a few women are carrying wedding decorations and other festive items, and placing them in various locations.  The decorations are out-of-place, but the suggestion is that everyone is making do with what they have.  Standing in the middle of the courtyard is Jeremiah, who is attempting to direct the various activities.  The lead soldier holds up his hand, and all stop, including David and Aris.

LEAD SOLDIER

Wait here.  If you please.

He then moves quickly up to Jeremiah, salutes (poorly) and says a few words to him.  Jeremiah glances over at David and Aris, and elicits a heavy smile in an “oh-them-again” manner.  He then says something to his minion, who quickly returns to David and Aris.  With a quick hand gesture, Lead Soldier summons the two and they move up (less the three other soldiers) and approach Jeremiah, who is momentarily distracted by his other duties, and yells to workers on one wall.

JEREMIAH

You there!  Tote that barge!  Lift that bale!  Move it, people!  The wedding’s tomorrow!

Breathing a heavy sigh, he turns to David and Aris.

JEREMIAH

You two again, eh?  And still afoul of the law, I see.  I guess some things never change.

 

DAVID

Like your manners.

 

ARIS

But your throat seems to be better.  I can almost understand you.

 

JEREMIAH

Do not mock me, lass.  Or else, I will have to give you a lesson in respecting authority.

 

ARIS

Oh, I don’t think so.  Or at least, as long as you represent authority.

 

DAVID

Nice place you’ve got here.  But why here and now?  I mean, after such wonders as the Ta Ra Nee, the morality squads, all the other garbage you seem to specialize in.

 

JEREMIAH

We work with what we wander into.  You should know that. And as you can see, this place is a mess.  No authority, no rules, nothing to keep the people in order. A goddess-based culture of live and let live for god’s sake.  Very sad.

 

ARIS

And you’ve come to save them all from such rampant equality.

 

JEREMIAH

It’s what I do.

Jeremiah turns to a workman on the gallows with floral decorations, who is attempting to curl the flowers on a hangman’s noose.

JEREMIAH

You there!  Get rid of the rope, you idiot!  It’s a wedding, not an execution

(to David and Aris)

I’ve just arrived, and frankly, it’s hard to find good help.  These people simply don’t know how to obey the simplest of instructions.

 

ARIS

Things are tough all over.

 

DAVID

But you seem to be settling down here.  Getting married and everything.

 

JEREMIAH

Well you know.  I’ve always enjoyed a home life.  Especially when one gets everything she has, and at the same time not have to share anything with her in return.  One of the Prince’s privileges, you know.

 

ARIS

I know.  Pretty disgusting.

 

DAVID

Except, we’re here to stop it.

Jeremiah takes a long look at the two, noting over their shoulders the four soldiers, who are vaguely at attention.  Smiling, he gestures to them, and they straighten up.

ARIS

I don’t think you want to do that.

 

JEREMIAH

Why ever not?

 

ARIS

We didn’t come alone.

 

JEREMIAH

You’re telling me that you’re cowards?

 

ARIS

Oh, now that changes everything!  We certainly don’t want to be cowards!

 

DAVID

Right!  I’ll call the cavalry.

David turns and signals in the direction of Men-Tor, who is now sitting on the top of one wall.  Men-Tor returns the wave, and then appears to do nothing.  David grimaces and glances at Jeremiah to see if his sudden lack of confidence is obvious to his nemesis. 

Then a flock (a very large number) of Furrys begins climbing over the walls, entering via the gates, and otherwise appearing.  Every human in the courtyard, save David and Aris, are caught up by the spectacle, many quickly preparing to repel the expected onslaught on their virtue -- primarily by use of the age old prescription of taking two aspirin and holding the aspirin between ones’ knees.  Jeremiah frowns heavily.

JEREMIAH

I take it you want to do this the hard way.

 

ARIS

Your choice.

Jeremiah hesitates.  Then looking thoroughly disgusted, he draws his sword.  For a moment he holds it upright.

JEREMIAH

There’s really got to be a better way.

 

DAVID

Hey!  We’re open to negotiation.

 

JEREMIAH

Like mind your own business?

 

DAVID

No.  I don’t think so.

 

JEREMIAH

Then I guess it has to be a fight to the finish between one of you and me.  That only leaves the question of which of you would like to feel my blade across your neck first?

 

DAVID

Neck?

Aris smiles, steps between the two men, and faces Jeremiah directly.

ARIS

Allow me.

 

JEREMIAH

Fine.  Oh, just a moment...

Before raising his sword, Jeremiah gestures to an area behind a wall.  Ugly Dude appears with an absolutely huge broadsword already in his hand and ready to use.  The medieval answer to Monday Night Football smiles a disgusting smile, as he approaches the trio.  David begrudgingly prepares for him as Aris and Jeremiah square off.  Simultaneously, the Furrys and bystanders begin finding places with which to watch the spectacle, the Furrys ultimately doing a “wave” from one of the bleachers. 

Jeremiah and Aris begin skirting each other, then parrying and thrusting.  Their swordplay quickly includes a lot of dodging about the courtyard, as well as leaping upon objects -- some of which collapse or overturn, and thus keep them both nimble and on their feet.  Meanwhile, David is primarily dodging the heavy handed swings of Ugly Dude’s broadsword.  In the process, however, David begins to notice that most of Ugly Dude’s swings are connecting with various items in the immediate area, either destroying them or sending them flying (or both). 

David smiles and begins to maneuver in a manner other than simply avoiding a swift chop across the shoulders.  Finally, he manages to make his way to a construction area, where with one of Ugly Dude’s subsequent swings, the huge broadsword knocks out a support post.  This results in a mass of stones -- those destined for the new wall -- to come tumbling down upon Ugly Dude’s head.  David dodges the dust and debris of the collapsing partial wall, and then stops for a moment.  From a safe distance he peers over to see what has happened.  Ugly Dude is apparently not dead, but is unlikely to be swinging a broadsword in the immediate future. 

David smiles and turns to the other battle, just as a stray chicken is impaled by one of Jeremiah’s sword thrusts, and Aris trips and almost goes down.  In a flurry of feathers and before David can help her, she bounces up and her private battle continues.  As she and Jeremiah slash and maneuver for better positions with which to slash and maneuver, they begin to trash their outfits with all sorts of near misses and minor wounds.  Then, with Aris making a remarkable slash against his chest, Jeremiah suddenly winces in pain.  Blood appears, but then disappears as he rapidly heals. 

Aris suddenly stops and lowers her sword.  Jeremiah hesitates, taking a deep breath as the healing process completes itself.  He then smiles a decidedly devious smile.

JEREMIAH

I must tell you that you are not the only one endowed with certain powers.

 

ARIS

A thought which I find distinctly unpleasant.

 

JEREMIAH

Get used to the unpleasant.  It’s here to stay.

 

ARIS

In that case...

Aris abruptly turns and leaps up to a higher point.  Jeremiah follows, but Aris stays just ahead of him, continually moving to ever higher positions.  Eventually she reaches a spot on a partially reconstructed wall, but one still under construction.  A small flock of Furrys scamper out of the way as Aris reaches the medieval version of the Western movie’s “box canyon”.  There she turns and makes a stand.

JEREMIAH

You seem to be in a corner, my dear.

Aris looks at Jeremiah and smiles herself.

ARIS

Speaking of unpleasant...

Abruptly, Aris slashes a nearby post.  The scaffolding holding the castle wall stones in place promptly collapses and Jeremiah (along with the stonework on which he had been standing) cascade into the adjacent moat.  Jeremiah hits the water hard, but quickly surfaces, gasping for air.  Then in the midst of almost gagging, he struggles to get out of the rancid moat.  As Aris watches, David and Men-Tor join her on the wall.

DAVID

Like you said, Tor: The moat hasn’t been cleaned in centuries.  More like a sewer now.

Aris is smiling broadly, as Jeremiah in a rage raises his fist toward her and David.

JEREMIAH

It’s not over yet!  Both of you are dogmeat!

 

MEN-TOR

Nothing like abject humiliation for run-amuck princely authority figures.

 

DAVID

And the Lady?

 

MEN-TOR

In the courtyard.

David looks down to see a bedecked, puzzled Cathy already encountering several of the well-wishers.  Cathy then looks up at David with a distinctly disapproving smirk.

DAVID

Cathy!?  She’s the Lady?

Men-Tor stares back at David with a mischievous smile.

MEN-TOR

That's no lady.  That's my wife.

Immediately, he began to laugh.

 

EXT: OUTSIDE MEN-TOR’S VILLAGE -- LATER THAT SAME DAY

David and Cathy are walking about Men-Tor’s village at leisure.

CATHY

I don’t suppose it occurred to you that I didn’t want to be rescued.

 

DAVID

No.  The way I heard it: you were being held captive and married against your will.

 

CATHY

Well, yes.  From outward appearances.  But there was also something exciting about it

David stops and takes a long, incredulous look at Cathy.

DAVID

Exiting?

 

CATHY

Stimulating, dramatic, call it what you will.  It’s just one of those things in which I occasionally like to indulge.

 

DAVID

Sounds kinky.

 

CATHY

Don’t get me wrong.  I like stability; that’s what attracted me to you.  But periodically, I also like to have the blood coarse through my veins.  You know what I mean?

 

DAVID

Oh yeah.  I guess.  I suppose it’s just that we have different blood-coursing dreams.

 

CATHY

And that’s okay, right?

 

DAVID

It’s okay.

 

CATHY

And we can leave it at that?

David stops and takes a long serious look at Cathy.

DAVID

We can leave it at that.

Cathy kisses David on the cheek, then smiles and gestures where Aris and Iris are talking.

CATHY

She’s quite taken with you.

 

DAVID

Maybe.

 

CATHY

It’s nice to know I’ve left you in good hands.

David smiles, as Cathy turns and walks away.  David then moves closer to Aris and Iris, just as the latter turns away, and with a quick wink at David goes into a small building.  Aris then slowly approaches David.

ARIS

Fascinating woman, that Iris.  Somehow I think she’s more than she says.

 

DAVID

Like what?

 

ARIS

Like a goddess.

 

DAVID

Are you kidding?

 

ARIS

Maybe a goddess apprentice.  She told me that “All acts of love and pleasure are My rituals.”  That sounds very goddess like.

 

DAVID

I agree.  So.  Are you suggesting that we engage in one of her rituals right now?

 

ARIS

Don’t you ever think about anything other than sex?

 

DAVID

Oh, sure.  Sometimes when I’m having sex, I think about making up my shopping list.  Other times, I’m plotting to leave the toilet seat up for unwary females.

 

ARIS

You’re incurable.

 

DAVID

I’d like to think so.

 

ARIS

And what about Cathy?  She seems to be quite a lady.

 

DAVID

I once thought so.

 

ARIS

But no more?

 

DAVID

The problem is that it’s not purely what I think, but how I feel.

 

ARIS

And how do you feel?

David turns and looks intently at Aris.

DAVID

That I deserve better.

Aris smiles, and looks away.  David continues to admire her.

ARIS

You know, we do make a pretty good team.

 

DAVID

I’m certainly at my best when you’re around.  Can’t imagine why.

 

ARIS

Neither can I.  We’re not exactly a match made in heaven.

David stops in his tracks and looks at Aris.

DAVID

Oh?

 

ARIS

I want to make my mark in the world, make a difference, find out what I’m capable of.  Whereas you’ve already done that.  For you, it’s not such a big deal.  But it is for me.  A very big deal.

 

DAVID

Can’t we do it together?

 

ARIS

Maybe.  If you don’t try to do it for me.  It may also depend on what’s next on the agenda.  Any thoughts?

 

DAVID

Maybe it’s time for our fantasies.

 

ARIS

I don’t know.  I’d think that by now, we should have seen some sort of sign, some indication that we’re about to phase.

As the two walk by an open door of a thatched roof and stone cottage, the resident empties a pail of water by tossing it out the door, dousing the two of them and interrupting Aris in mid sentence.  Both he and Aris phase. 

Immediately following, Jeremiah -- still reeking somewhat from his time in the moat -- steps out of the shadows just beyond their path.  He looks around in vain for David and Aris -- his apparent sneak attack suddenly preempted.  He raises his sword and shield arm in frustration.

JEREMIAH

What the hell!?  Damn!  This really isn’t  working!

(looking heavenward)

This is not working!!

When no sign appears in the heavens, he turns away.  Looking particularly angry and frustrated, he slams his sword against a wall.  The wall partially crumbles from the impact, but Jeremiah hardly notices, sheathing his sword with excessive force.

 

Episode Six -- Domed Cities/Bunkers

Forward to:

Episode Eight -- Bierstadtland

 

               

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